Saturday, August 27, 2016

"Don't Breathe" in LA. How Big Hollywood said "Hush" to a couple of small time writers.

The poster for "Don't Breath" on the left.
The concept poster for my "Hush" film on the right.
Penciling by Chadwick Curry
With coloring by Jeffrey K Plummer
This weekend a film was released about a blind man trying to hunt and kill a group of would be robbers.  The concept of a blind killer is a fantastic, original concept.  At least, I thought so, when I wrote my film "Hush" in 2006.  Sony Screengems didn't think so in 2012 when they rejected the script, written by myself and fellow co-writer Michael DiSalvo.  I can't help thinking, watching the trailer and reading the very positive reviews, that someone did get robbed.  Hint- it's not the villain in "Don't Breathe."

I wasn’t originally going to talk about this.  Until today,  the release of the film,  I would not even mention it on my Facebook.  My friends, however, many of whom were around during this period of my life and understood the extreme passion that went into this project, insisted I should try to get my story out.

In 2003 I had written a spec script prequel to “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”  At the time, “Outside Providence” director Michael Corrente was looking to produce a few horror films, and a mutual friend showed the “Elm Street” script to his assistant.

The assistant- very enthusiastic about my work- called me within a few days to discuss rewriting the screenplay to be a stand alone.  After much thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that the script was too ingrained in the “Elm Street” mythology to achieve this, but I told Corrente’s assistant I would try to come up with something new.  He said he needed something in four weeks.

I was a fairly new screenwriter.  I had written two scripts at this point- the aforementioned “Elm Street,” and a coming of age drama which I locked in a drawer and never let out.  Both scripts, in my opinion, were too wordy, with too much dialogue.  So I decided what ever I came up with had to force me to rely more on the visual aspects of filmmaking.

A few months before this call I had a nightmare about aliens attacking Earth.  The aliens, as it turned out, were sensitive to sound waves.  Anyone who made noise over a certain decibel was immediately attacked and murdered.  The dream took place in a High School with would-be rebellious teens trying their all to stay quiet.   Even served in the form of a dream, the desperation to not make noise was eerie.  Immediately I thought of my aliens concept- except there were a few problems.

For one, Corrente wanted a single location script.  I felt the concept was maybe too big to keep confined in a school for 2 hours.  Furthermore, Corrente wanted a budget under a million dollars. Cheap aliens are never a good idea.

So I started thinking- if we’re going cheap, let’s stick to a human killer.  Why, oh why, would a simple killer be sensitive to noise?  That’s when it hit me.

“What if he’s blind?”

I had always been fascinated by the idea that when you lose one of your senses your other senses become heightened to compensate.  What if our killer isn’t sensitive to sound in the same way the aliens are?  What if he just has really good hearing?  This would still have the net effect of our protagonists trying desperately to stay quiet.

I started thinking of scenarios that would make it difficult for our heroes to remain silent.  This itself was easy.  The problem I kept running up against was our protagonists had a huge advantage over our villain.  They could, after all, see. Questions bombarded my thoughts.

A few minor things I worked out quickly.

“What are the villain's limitations because he’s blind?”

Few.  I decided we would establish he’d been blind since birth (later changed to childhood) and could compensate for the handicap.

“How does he get around the building?”

Maybe he knows the layout.  Maybe he’s been in this building for years.  “Maybe he works there.”

Concept of the killers weapon, a modified cane.
My scribbles on the left which artist Chadwick Curry
did a fantastic job translating to actual art on the right.

Good.  Still, something did not sit quite right.  My main issue: If everyone is trying so hard to be quiet, they too, to some extent, are going to be more sensitive to noise.  Drop a pin in an empty hall and you’ll hear the “clank” as it hits the floor.  How, in the world is this killer ever going to sneak up on our protagonist?  She’ll hear him a mile away.  It’s too bad she’s not deaf.

“What if your protagonist was deaf?”

Bingo.

With only four weeks to write a full length screenplay I called my college roommate, Michael DiSalvo, and asked if he wanted to cowrite.  Together we brainstormed, coming up with different ideas and scenarios that would allow us to play off the concept of visuals vs audio.  I still had one last idea I needed to work out.

A few years before some college buddies had taken me to the mother of all Lazer Tag arenas.  This was not your typical Lazer Tag.  This place housed a giant spaceship, a maze, some tunnels.  All sorts of places you could hide.  I wanted that feeling, of an enclosed off space where you could fit inside nooks and crannies, inside the script.

I knew, however, a Lazer Tag arena was a bit too kitchy. Besides, I liked the idea of a school with twisting hallways. We needed something similar.  After some back and forth, we decided a library, if designed correctly, could fill this role.

Michaela Splinter found this during a location scout


The last bit we needed was our title.  My first thought was “Dead Silence,” until Michael reminded me that James Wan had just released a movie with the same name.  An hour later I called him back. “I’ve got the perfect title.  Hush.”

Three and a half weeks later we had a first draft, very rough, but something we were happy enough with we could show Corrente’s assistant, even if just as a concept.  The assistant had me send him the script, I spoke a little bit about the concept, and he asked me who I would envision to play the killer.

“In a perfect world, Robert Englund.”

We didn’t hear back for a week.

Our first thought was we had misfired, and granted, the script was in fact very rough.  In reality, Corrente’s assistant eventually called to inform me he and Corrente had a falling out.

He had left his job.

Years later, I would find out that they patched things up and the assistant had a role in the Corrente produced “Inkubus” which starred (doh!) Robert Englund.



My cowriter and I were in a lull.  We kept working on and refining the script but neither of us had any contacts.  No agent would even look at our work.

One night, while staying at a Hotel in Boston, I stepped out to the nearby 7-11.  Upon my return a gentleman asked me for a lighter (whose name I’m leaving out, on the small chance this story gets out in the wild. We’ll call him George). He was tipsy, feeling a bit chatty, and mentioned he was in town because he was a film producer and he had a meeting with some execs from a major studio.  I quickly gave him my card, mentioned I was a screenwriter, and then politely left when he received a phone call.

The next day I received a message on my voicemail.  “Angel, I think we met last night.  I have your card.  Honestly, I was out celebrating, have no idea who you are, but my number is… go ahead and call me.  It’s George.”

To make a long story short, I sent George my current draft for "Hush".  Two months later I received an e-mail.

“Angel, no promises, but I read your script… I’m 90% sure I can get this made.”

It’s worth mentioning George had some success that made this believable.  He wasn’t exactly big time, but he had recently released an award winning documentary that had been a hit, had a Rotten Tomato score just south of 90%, and was being considered for remake rights by Sony Screen Gems.

George had a few questions for me.  Who I’d want for the villain? (Please, please, Robert Englund). Any ideas for Director?  (I mentioned a few names I thought we’d never get, brought up Lucky McGee, who I thought maybe we could, but picked Tim Sullivan as my likely favorite).  Finally he asked if there were any recent Horror films I had really enjoyed.  Again, I pointed to Tim Sullivan and “2001 Maniacs.”

George pulled through.  A week later I found myself having dinner with George, my co-writer, and one of the Producers of “2001 Maniacs.”  We’ll call him Steve, also not his name.

Steve is telling us we’re going to be huge, this movie is going to be huge, he’ll call his crew, and they’ll “see if we can get a hold of Robert (Englund).”

At this point Michael and mine’s jaws are hitting the floor. George and Steve are talking shooting locations.  Every thing is feeling suddenly- and very- real.

Concept art by Chadwick Curry
The next 4 months are an odd period in my life.  I have a menial day job doing administrative work at a Psychiatric Hospital.  I’m getting frequent calls from the producer, which actually leaves me in an awkward position when one day I have to tell the producer of “2001 Maniacs” I’ll call him back because “I’m working the floor.”

The pattern is this- during the week, I’m an Administrative Assistant.  During the weekend I’m off to NYC to meet with George- or sometimes Steve in his office- to work on “Hush.”

"George", Michael and I created "Red Eye Pictures LLC"
in anticipation of making "Hush."  Concept logo by Chadwick Curry
with a handful of modifications I made myself

The problem was that George and Steve were starting to have a lot of disagreements.  It’s here were I make the first of three really big mistakes in the “Hush” project.

A Psychiatric Admin is not unlike a film producer.  My job is literally to smooth over differences in priorities between the patients, the staff, and the administration.  At work I was known for my unique ability to get people from different perspectives to cooperate.  My instincts were to get involved and find some kind of common ground between my producers.  But I also felt like an outsider.  A writer from a small city in upstate NY who had somehow stumbled into the outskirts of Hollywood.  So for most of the time, I stayed out of it.  Near the end, I did get more involved, and it did help things a bit, but it was too late.  Steve eventually left the project.

George remained determined, and to his credit kept getting more people to read the script.  There’s a cameo written for Snoop Dogg- this was by the request of Snoop Dogg’s manager.  At one point we had a NFL football star write up a contract to finance the film.  Two million dollars.  Then, as George tells it, “He got cold feet at the last second.”  Gone.

As it so happened, I had met Tim Sullivan a few years earlier, and let me tell you, he is the most personal, approachable, and friendly guy in the business.  He promised me if I wrote him on “My Space” (hey, this was a long time ago) he would respond. He’s been good to his word and provided advice the handful of times I’ve sought it out.  I wrote him (no longer on My Space) about the project, and Steve’s former involvement.  He wrote back and said that he was only taking on projects with financing because he’d been burned before, but- like I said, Tim’s really a stand up guy- he gave me his agent’s personal phone number and added “call there if you’re close.”

George wanted to call the agent anyway, but eventually we decided to respect Tim’s wishes and not call until we had financing.

By far one of the most surreal moments occurred in 2011.  I was on a cross-state trip when I received a call from a lightly panicked George, who had apparently been trying to get a hold of me for hours. There was a reason I wasn’t available- I had the flu, really awful stuff, and was trying to deal with riding in a van for six hours and not vomiting.  I had not even noticed my phone had been ringing. For the one and only time in all the years we worked together I asked George if I could call him back.

“Well, normally you could, but I have a representative from Lionsgate on the line and they want you to pitch.”

With a long sigh- to compose myself, not because, oh poor me, I have Lionsgate trying to get my attention- I said, “Okay, put them on.”

It’s here I made the second big mistake in this project.  I had not been aware Lionsgate was even talking to us.  This was all off the cuff.  It’s hard to imagine now, but at the time, there was a lot of buzz around “Scream 4”, which was opening in two weeks.  I piggybacked off that.

“I think this is going to pull in a very similar audience.  The numbers for Scream 4… we think they’re going to be big.  This could be just as big, and you’ll own it.”

From what George would tell me, the pitch went smashingly well.  They loved it.

Unfortunately, audiences didn’t love “Scream 4” nearly as much, which did… okay business.  Shortly after the Lionsgate representative dropped the project.

Over the next few years we approached several different studios. One such studio- one Michael and I insisted on- was Paramount Pictures, who had just opened up a micro-budget division following the success of “Paranormal Activity.”   The response was, and I quote George, “We sent it to them, but they just were not interested in the concept.”

The last time I spoke to George at length he had informed me he was going to pitch “Hush” during his meeting with Sony Screen Gems- who did, as it turn out, buy the remake rights to George's previous film, and not long after released a very botched fictional interpretation of the documentary.

A few months after the Sony call I informed George I was no longer writing.  In the years that we had shopped “Hush” I had written several more scripts.  A few I managed to just barely get in the hands of some professionals.  At one point, George convinced a  producer to take the “Nightmare” prequel to Newline- which Michael and I then rewrote from scratch- but as far as I know that fell through and never even made it to the studio.  Nothing got the attention of “Hush”, “Hush” was now going nowhere, and I was just past 30 and looking to start a more lucrative career.  Things like a steady income, starting a family, putting downs roots- these things, not even thoughts to a 23 year old writing “Hush”- were starting to occupy my mind.

That’s where I thought the story would end.  I’ve heard from George only once since then- a short email that read, “Oh wow, they stole our movie!”

The story picks up about six months ago when Bloody Disgusting ran a piece regarding Netflix picking up the rights to Mike Flanagan’s “Hush.”  I clicked on the title, hoping- praying, actually- that this movie would, beyond the title, not in any way be similar to my own.

Some research revealed a few things.

- Obviously, the title was the same
- The lead character was deaf
- The film was a single location
- The main character in our script was named “Sadie.”  In Flanagan’s “Hush” the main character is named “Madie.”

After some initial panicked back and forth with Michael, and an e-mail to George that resulted in the above exchange, I thought to myself, “This could be a coincidence.  Who’s the studio?”

Blumhouse Pictures- the microbudget arm of Paramount Pictures.

Damn.

With no resources beyond my amateur sleuthing and a couple of lawyers I know who are not necessarily involved in Copyright cases, here’s what I was told-

Concepts are hard to prove.  Unless they stole the script itself, Paramount was in the clear.

And here’s where I discovered my third big mistake.  When I quit writing, I did not renew my Screenwriter’s Guild script registration.  I’m a student again, poor as dirt, and all I had was a movie script that, as far as I knew, no one wanted.  I didn’t even think about it.  But if I had thought about it- $50, as a student trying to start a second career- $50 is an obscene amount of money to me.  I’m not sure I would have spent that on a “dead” concept.

And, to be fair, and this is a very big point- the concept of my “Hush” and Blumhouse’s “Hush” may be similar, but the execution is very different.  The Netflix “Hush”, at least, according to my peers and what I gather from the trailer (I can’t bring myself to watch it) is a straight up thriller.  The “Hush” Michael and I wrote was meant to be a hybrid “slasher”, a beautiful blend of 80s and 90s horror, cherry picking what we felt were the best pieces of each decade.  For example, as nineties horror films loved to do, we wanted to create characters who were aware running up the stairs was a bad idea, and would not be afraid to say so.  We did not, however, want to go around referencing other films.  There’s no point where a character says, “Running up the stairs is a sure fire way to run into Michael Myers!”

So Michael and I bowed our heads, and decided to let this go. Michael had dropped “Hush” from his mind and soul long before I did, and I am at this point knee deep in an accelerated Software Engineering program- which I absolutely love.

So we moved on.  Again.

Re: Two months later.

Michael sends me the link to another trailer, along with the message “This is the real Hush.”

That trailer was for “Don’t Breath.”  It’s getting phenomenal reviews, even from mainstream critics. It’s a blind killer, single location, and- oh yeah- it has a scene in the basement that uses “The tight space and a lot of boxes to create suspense.” Sort of like, I don’t know, a library scene I once wrote.

Again, based on the trailer, the tone- unlike the Blumhouse picture- is very similar to my “Hush.”

“But,” I think to myself, “Who’s the studio?”

Sony Screen Gems.

Double Damn.

Now everyone's screaming at me “lawsuit.”  From what I’ve been told, I’m probably not going to win.  That’s if I could find a lawyer.  Remember, I could not afford the $50 to re-register my script.

Some people are probably thinking, “Well, it’s your fault for not re-registering your script.”  Perhaps, but also from what I’m told, it would not have made any difference.  Basically, as long as my script is not stolen word for word, I have no case.  Even if I maybe had a case, what resources do I have to sue?

And I want to be clear about something.  I’m not saying, per say, the directors or even screenwriters of these films stole my movie.  I’d like to at least think that’s not the case.

The scenario I imagine is not quite so spiteful.  What I do imagine is closer to a room filled with filmmakers and producers trying to come up with a concept, and one producer, who’s either read my script, or heard about it through another producer who’s read my script says, “Hey, you know, here’s an idea...”

I’ll probably never know for sure what happened.  I don’t expect to ever have any closer on this. Who knows, maybe, just maybe, two studios I worked with just happened to come across nearly identical ideas at the same time for a concept I’d never heard before.  Mayyyyybe the idea of a blind man chasing a woman in an enclosed space with a bunch of barriers is just so obvious that of course someone thought of it.  I mean, I haven’t seen it before, but you know… maybe?

Here’s what I do know.  If you have an idea for a movie- well, don’t bother.  Unless you have connections.  Or money.  Or both.  Because it turns out you don’t own that idea.  That idea is ripe for the taking at any time.  So keep your ideas to yourself.  Keep your ideas out of Hollywood.

Unless you happen to be talking to Tim Sullivan.  He doesn’t pull this kind of crap.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Just the Fax, Sir!

Disclaimer:  This is a truncated version of my post "Sending and Receiving Faxes (Without a Fax Machine)."   It is meant to be a quick reference for those of you who may be interested in these services.  If you want a more detailed explanation of the process and why someone may use this software, you can find the original post here.


SENDING FAXES

What you'll need:

A Printer
A Scanner OR a Smart Phone with the this Android app or this iOS app.

1.  Scan your document
2.  Head to GotFaxFree

Click on the image for detailed instructions.

You can only send 2 faxes a day using the free service,  If you happen to hit that wall use FaxZero.

3.  GotFaxFree or FaxZero will send you a confirmation email.  Click the link in the email. Once the fax has been received by the intended both services will send a follow-up confirmation.


RECEIVING FAXES

1.  Sign-up for eFax free.
eFax free has a simple and intuitive signup process.

2.  eFax Free will send you a confirmation e-mail to sign up for the service, along with your assigned fax number.  Confirm the service.

3.  Give someone your fax number as you would with traditional fax service.

4.  eFax will send you an e-mail when you have received a fax, complete with PDF attachment.

5. NOTE: eFax Free allows 10 pages a month.

A simple email alerts you to a fax.  A PDF is attached
at the bottom of the email.

Sending and Receiving Faxes (Without a Fax Machine)

Disclaimer:  This is the full-post, describing in detail not only how to use virtual faxing solutions, but also the reasons behind why someone may want to do so.

If you just want a quick summary of using the services, you can check of my truncated post here.




As a supergeek, there are six words I absolutely dread.  Hearing these words leads to immediate spikes in blood pressure, curse words, and sometimes even dizziness.

"Please send us a fax at..."

The fax machine is the contradiction of the information age.  Sure, it may be sold in the technology section of your nearest office supply superstore, but the more tech inclined someone is, the LESS they want to ever interact with one.

Thankfully the importance of the device has dwindled in the age of e-mail, instant messenger, and attachments, but some businesses still insist on using these relics from another time.

Fact:  The Pterodactyl evolved wings so the species would
no longer have to use the fax machine.

My geek level is fairly advanced.  I'm the type of guy who will occasionally build his own Linux kernel "just for fun."  That being said, I've never used a fax machine.  I have to sheepishly admit that if someone asked me to, I wouldn't know how without someone walking me through it.

Up until now there have only been a handful of times I had to fax anything.  I halfheartedly looked up ways of faxing documents online, but quick searches only turned up many paid services.  Most have monthly fees and aren't worth it for someone who sends only a couple documents a year.  In the past sending a fax has meant a trip down to Kinkos.

I work in Healthcare and am in the process of a change in employment.  The new job needed my immunizations records.  This meant calling all sorts of former Healthcare providers- former employees, my High School school nurse, heck even my old Pediatrician- trying to locate the information.

Hospitals are notorious for still relying on the fax machine.  Part of that has to do with the one advantage the Fax Machine has over its all digital counterparts- signatures.  Health information is protected by Federal HIPPA privacy laws.  This means many hospitals will not even confirm they HAVE you records until you send a release of information.  Every healthcare provider has there own release form, and each provider wants it faxed with a signature.

All in all I had to go through 5 providers to get all the necessary documentation,  A single provider accepted E-Mail verification.   The other four all required multiple faxes.  Each day required more and more paperwork.  I needed a better solution.

SENDING FAXES

What you'll need:

A Printer
A Scanner or a Smart Phone with the right app.

For this process, I was using a scanner, but in the past I had particularly good results with this Android app.

For iOS users, this has been recommended to me.

I started with this website, which was extremely helpful in pointing out the best options on the market.

By far the best service I found was Got Fax Free (GFF) (2nd on that list).  There were 2 major benefits compared to its competitors.

Sending faxes took less than three minutes, which wasn't always the case with the competition.  More importantly, GFF places NO ads on your fax.  Almost every other competitor places an ad for their service on your cover page.   With GFF your receiver has no idea you used an online fax system.

The interface, while not exactly pretty, is still easy to follow along.  Nonetheless, I have created an image to guide you.

Click on the image for detailed instructions.

GFF does, however, have one very important limitation.  You can only send 2 faxes a day using the free service,  If you happen to hit that wall, as I did one day, just move on to another service.  In my case I used FaxZero.

Sending Faxes with FaxZero took longer.  FaxZero itself gives a window of between 5 and 30 minutes. In my experience it tended to take about 10 minutes from fax to confirmation.  Also, FaxZero will put ads on your cover page.  Both these caveats, however, beat a trip to Kinkos any day.

On the positive size, the interface for NetZero was much nicer than GFF's, especially on mobile browsers.


RECEIVING FAXES

By a week into the experience I was a fax sending machine.  Need a release of information?
"No problem." Done.

One issue that popped up repeatedly, however, was paperwork going missing.  This could mean the fax was never sent, the sender dialed the fax number wrong, or even the receiver just plain lost the fax.

When this occurred I found myself once again playing middle man between two providers.  Trying to troubleshoot an issue between two separate companies can be maddening.  Each side assumes they did things right, and you, as the "client" have no way of determining the source of the issue.

In fact most of time both sides will assume its your fault.  You, after all, don't have a fax machine, and clearly you have no idea what you're doing.

"Me Good Electronics.  This No Me Fault!"
Keep in mind that for most of these people the fax is their life.  Your embracing of newer technology, ironically enough, makes you look appear technically incompetent as soon as you add a landline based machine into the equation.

"If only I had my own fax number," I thought, "I could maintain copies of these documents myself and cut out half the equation."

I  looked up several services.  While many offered approximately 30 pages a month, most came with the caveat that if you didn't receive at least one fax a month your service was canceled.

I was looking for a more permanent number.  Something I could put on a business card or in an email and it would be my Fax number.

 I found the solution with eFax free.  While eFax free only allows 10 pages a month there's no monthly minimum.  What that means is your Fax number is yours.

eFax free has a simple and intuitive signup process.
eFax will send you a confirmation e-mail to sign up for the service, along with your assigned fax number.  After that simply give someone said number for your faxing needs.  eFax will send you an e-mail when you have received a fax, complete with PDF attachment.

A simple email alerts you to a fax.  A PDF is attached
at the bottom of the email.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

One of the great benefits of using virtual fax services is you can literally send and receive faxes from anywhere,  Shortly after signing up for both services I arrived to an Occupational Health appointment and was informed they did not have possession of the many documents I had sent them.  This could have meant an appointment reschedule, but with my smartphone in hand I simply took a seat, downloaded the PDF from my eFax email, and then resent the documents using GetFaxFree.

As it turned out, there had been a mixup in the office, and they had my paperwork all along.  All the same, it's likely without the services at my disposal I would have already left the building.  Using virtual fax I didn't have to worry about what happened or where the documents were.  I simply faxed them- all from my phone.  In less than five minutes the problem was solved!

In fact, the automatic archiving feature of these services has actually made me LIKE faxing.  At the end of the appointment a nurse asked me if I wanted copies of my paperwork.  To prevent issues like this in the future, I've been scanning my paperwork into Google Drive for archival purposes.  Suddenly, it occurred to me there was a faster way.

"Can you fax them to me?"

Thursday, February 26, 2015

ARKHAM ORIGINS Rises to the Occasion

This post was originally titled "5 Video Games You (Maybe) Haven't Played (But Totally Should)" and was meant to list 5 games that, for various reasons, I felt my fellow gaming geeks didn't give the proper attention they deserved.

My intention was to start with the best known games at the top, with each game becoming more obscure as the list went on.

While writing my first entry, "Arkham Origins," I came to realize this section had morphed into its own post.


You may vaguely remember "Arkham Origins."  It's that one Batman game you decided to skip when the reviews were best summed up as "Eh, it's alright, I guess."

Well I'm here to tell you why those reviews were a big steaming pile of doggy poo.


Screw Metacritic!  Clearly the opinion that matters is that of some random well dressed geek blogger.

Don't believe me?  My last post had over 90 page views!  That's almost a hundred! Clearly I'm reaching celebrity status here, and everyone knows you should buy something once it has a celebrity endorsement.






Batman: Arkham Origins
Buy on Amazon










“Arkham Origins” is the follow-up to “Arkham City,” wildly regarded as the “Citizen Kane” of the superhero video game sub-genre. Following the release more or less every geek and his sister shat themselves with excitement and anticipation, and with good reason. An open world, top of its class melee combat, and engaging storyline which weaved in TONS of Batman's rouge gallery combined to… you know what? Forget it. The game made you feel like you were “The Goddamn Batman!” and that's all that mattered. If you had a significant other in October of 2011 you were either putting out an APB on him/her, OR you were trying to wrestle the controller out of his/her bloody hands because screw you I want to be Batman!

The world collectively gave the middle finger to life as people stopped whatever wedding, birth, or new job they had planned. Anyone who was obsessed with Batman OR video games was playing this, and that includes pretty much anyone who is not my Mom.


But seriously Mom, you need to check this game out.

Because Batman totally stole this move from my Mom.
Trust me, I never skipped school again.

A new series entry was only a matter of time, and during the wait the internet went wild with anticipation. That day finally arrived in October of 2013, and once again every self-respecting geek dropped what they were doing so they-

-they took a collective sigh. Then shrugged.

"Bruce... *cough cough*.... Your parents...
Would be so disappointed."
Arkham Origins currently holds a metacritic score of 76, so while not a disaster, it pales when put up against “City's” score of 96. Sales were approximately half of the previous game. Those numbers would be absolutely dreamy if your game is, say,"Costume Quest," but for a highly anticipated prequel to one of the best regarded games of the last generation that's an epic fail.

"This is worse than that time you let us die!"

It's a shame, really, because Arkham Origins is a damn good game.

The reviews are not shy about the game's supposed short comings. It rarely deviates from “City” and the new features are “win” buttons. The melee system takes a small step backwards. Neither long-time Bat veterans Kevin Conroy or Mark Hamill provide the voice work. The online component is a waste of time. The storyline seems “padded out.”

And you know… fair enough. It's not that the any of these particular criticisms aren't valid, it's just… they're really nitpicky.

“Arkham City” has a renowned combat system that lets you use a wide variety of bat gadgets to engage dozens of foes in combat- all the while maintaining a steady flow and making what's a complicated process feel seamless. It's not necessarily easy, but it's fair- every problem has a solution which can resolve in you avoiding being hit, but you better have lightning fast fingers to pull it off.

In contrast, “Origins” attempts to nod to its prequel roots by slowing down some of Batman's reaction times. The result is that on occasion you find yourself in a position where you can't avoid taking damage. It's a step backwards, and I'm going to completely concede, right here, that as a result, “Arkham Origins” has only the 2nd best melee combat system of any video game ever.

"This combat is a joke!"
The games “big” new feature is an improved version of detective mode. Detective mode was already a sore spot in “Arkham City.” It's a pause from the normally frantic pace of the game, and while it's incredibly cool the first time you play through, it fails to hold up on replays. It ends up being a quick but annoying video game chore.

The new system does little to improve that, though maybe makes said sections of the game slightly more tolerable during a second or third go around. It's neat but it's not an exciting or interesting feature. But when the biggest gripe about a game is it plays exactly like that other game you dropped over 100 hours into on Steam- you know, actually, is that even a complaint? I mean, hell yeah, don't touch this, I still feel like Batman!

"We will fight injustice, but we will never fight
self-absorbed fan-fiction!"
The online component, on the other hand, is a mess. The biggest issue is that the developers…

Wait, you know what? WHO CARES? The last two Arkham Games didn't have a versus mode. The “Arkham” series was never about online play. I tried “Origins” online play once, shrugged, and then pretended it just plain did not exist. You should too.


The voice work is actually quite stellar. Roger Craig Smith pinch-hits for the legendary Conroy and attempts to mimic a younger, somewhat less detailed version of the original performance. Actually, I take back attempts, because overall he succeeds in what is a very challenging balancing act. Yes, there were times where if I listened very carefully I'd think “I miss Conroy!” Not once, however, did Smith's interpretation ever take me out of the game. I mean, are you really going to tell me this doesn't sound like Batman?


As for Mark Hamill's absence? First of all, Hamill publicly retired from the role, so let's cut the developers a break. Did we really expect no one would ever use the Joker again in an animated medium? More importantly, Troy Baker takes over the role, and he nails it. As in full on grand slam.

Baker's interpretation is some of the smartest voice work ever to grace the Bat-Universe. He was given a seemingly impossible task- take the reigns from an actor whose performance is nothing less than iconic. If you grew up in the 90s, then Mark Hamill is the Joker to you.

On the surface it looked like he had two options, and both options just plain sucked.   He could try to imitate the original and be called out as a second rate copy cat, or he could make the performance his own and undoubtedly irritate millions of fans who have become accustomed to the Joker sounding a certain way.

Baker intelligently sides-steps this catch-22 by pulling a little bit from each approach. Baker correctly doesn't try to reinvent something that's worked so well. He starts with an imitation- his Joker's voice shares the same DNA as Hamill's- but then adds small, but perceivable, personal touches.

Casual listeners would probably never even know the voice actor had been changed. Baker's work is that good. If, on the other hand, you're the type of guy whose fridge is covered in Batman magnets and sometimes hears Mark Hamill's laugh in your sleep? The change is noticeable.

"Does this even NEED a caption?"


Which is all to say that Baker leaves the interpretation of the character intact, but makes changes to the nuances. He adds just a hint more sinisterism to the voice. Notably he doesn't over do it. Other non-Hamill voice actors have attempted to give the Joker a raspier voice, likely in an attempt to pull out the darker shades of his personality, but instead only masking the ironic lighter sides of his persona that make him such a compelling character in the first place. Baker manages to avoid this trapping completely.

The final result is a voice that's somewhat more attuned to the grittier Arkham universe than Hamill's, which originated on the mature but still kid-friendly Batman: The Animated Series. Baker amazingly manages to not only equal, but- and I can't believe I'm saying this- somehow improve upon Mark Hamill's classic performance.

Check out this video in which Baker does a line reading of Alan Moore's iconic “The Killer Joke.” Baker hits every word just right. It's chilling.



The storyline starts off with an incredibly interesting premise but does admittedly tend to go off track in an attempt to both pad itself out and work around the pitfalls of combining story with interactive entertainment. In other words, interesting plot points often diverge into three less interesting plot points that require hours of gameplay to resolve. I.E. Batman can't get to the next floor of a building without a gadget, so he better go through a completely different building with its own boss on the other side of the city just to retrieve said equipment.

To attribute this issue to “Origins” alone is unfair. Even the renowned “Arkham City” suffers from this frequently- arguably more so than “Origins.” More importantly, ANY video game which is not named “Chrono Trigger” suffers from this at some point. This isn't a problem with “Origins.” This is an issue with gaming being a still young medium and writers not quite yet tapping the outline for basic story structure.

It's also worth mentioning that “Origins” does manage to improve upon its predecessor in a couple ways. For one, the developers spent a lot of time trying to create more engrossing boss battles- an unfortunate weak spot of both “Arkham City” and its predecessor “Arkham Asylum.” They don't always succeed, but at its worst “Origins” bosses are no less than the equals of the series' previous games. At its best the game actually manages to implement a few exciting and intelligently conceived final rooms.

Best of all there's an incredible portion of the game focusing on the Joker's past- believe me, you'll know it when you see it. It's the best moment of the series. Hell, it's one the best moments of any Bat-Media at all. Aided, no doubt, by Baker's marvelous voice work.

All coming from a game with a 76 Metacritic score.

The only real flaw of “Origins” is it bares the unfortunate cross of being the follow-up to one of the best designed video-games in the last ten years. Instead of being judged on its own merits, the game was judged against the sky-high ceiling of its predecessor, and it didn't quite hold up. But you know what, it came close. Really close. And occasionally, in a few moments of brilliance, it even surpasses “City”. 

If you've avoided the game do to the lukewarm reviews, I promise you you've been misled. “Origins” is another stellar game in the Arkham universe. You're missing out.

If this game had been released in 2009- before “Arkham Asylum” was even a thought on anyone's mind- the Bat fans of the world would have broken twitter in a giant nerdgasm. Instead the game is only remembered as “Not as good as the last one.” It deserved better.

"Mom get off my Steam account!
...I've made a huge mistake."

Friday, August 15, 2014

Windows Gr8: How Microsoft finally released a geek worthy OS


If you've ever spent some time geeking out with me to technology you have clearly heard a few points repeated ad nauseum.

Apple is the devil itself and I truly feel they are in a position to be the living embodiment of George Orwell's big brother.

"Think Group"
Microsoft, for its part, is only slightly better.  For years the software giant has been releasing the same buggy code base with a new coat of paint.  Their business model consists of forcing users into a perpetual upgrade cycle for "features" they don't need.  All the while, their software remains buggy, inconsistent, and with a tendency to crash right when you need it most.


"Perhaps now, Master Bruce, we try Linux?"
On the geeker side of the OS divide, we have Linux.  Faster, more stable, better support for older hardware, and- oh yeah- completely free.  Not to mention open source.  It's truly an OS owned by the people, and while several corporations support it, no one person or entity OWNS it.

While that may sound like geek speak right now, it has large scale implementations for our future.  As our technological devices become our primary source of information AND communication, who do you want controlling that data?  The community, or a billion dollar software giant with its own business and political agendas?

My first flirting with Linux began in 2005.  I was a heavy Windows advocate when- while writing a final paper for a political science class- Windows XP crashed, and wouldn't return.  At this point, reinstalling XP had become a three month occurrence.  Resigned to losing my paper, I put in the install disk.  It had a very minor scratch- no doubt due to the disk having to be used so much- and windows refused to install.

When I called Microsoft for help, they offered to ship me a new disk.  For $40.  They were charging me to fix their broken product.  My hands tied, I payed- what was for a college student living on ramen noodles an exuberant sum- but made a pact with myself right then and there, I was going to "learn Linux."

Microsoft Support:  "Try imitation Ramen.
9 out of 10 starving college students can't tell the difference."
I still kept windows around in a dual-boot environment, but I only upgraded when I got a free copy with a new pc, and 95% of my time was spent in Linux.  More and more, Windows was becoming a place I went to, begrudgingly, when I wanted to retro-game.

It continued to crash on me constantly.  I continued to spend more time fixing it then using it.  I ran back to Debian every chance I got.

Then something changed.  Windows 8 happened.  Windows 8, and it's newest incarnation, Windows 8.1, is pretty fantastic.

"Oh NO HE DIDN'T!"

Okay, I can already see the pitchforks and hear the moans.  The new, full screen Metro UI is a mess. Navigation is frustrating at best.  Multi-tasking is nearly impossible.  The simple act of finding the program you want to open requires a search bar.

With Metro, Microsoft attempted to unify desktops, tablets, and phones under a single interface.  This is an example of Microsoft being a poor historian.  Other companies have attempted this with disastrous results that managed to not only fail to catch on with the general public, but isolate their own communities in the process.

The situation is so bad that users are paying for the "privilege" to downgrade to Windows 7

It turns out that users don't want a single UI that functions as a half-baked attempt to unify different devices with unique usage case scenarios.  We seem pretty content to have fully functional navigational systems that leverage the strengths and minimize the weaknesses of a particular platform.

Whoda thunk?

Great, but not a desktop.

The good news- and what Microsoft isn't telling you- is this problem is incredibly easy to fix.


The link above is to a free program called "Classic Shell."  Install that, and in minutes you'll be booting into a Windows 7 like screen.  Even better, Classic Shell is configurable.  Prefer Vista?  Click a button, Classic Shell will do that.  XP?  Classic Shell.  Want some Frankenstein combination of the above?  Classic Shell's advanced options will make it happen.

In short, it doesn't just return Windows to its roots, it manages to improve upon them.

Here's an approximation of what my Windows 8 desktop looks like.


No ones going to love Windows 8 just because they can fix it.  The truth is, Windows 8 is incredibly stable. Software rarely crashes, and when it does, it's almost always because I'm using either legacy (OLD) or beta, experimental software.

More importantly, and something I've loved about Linux- when software does crash, the software itself crashes.  Rouge code had a tendency to take the whole OS down with it on previous versions of Windows.  Not anymore.  My computer can stay up and running even if "Nestopia" is having a bad day.

Windows 8 is fast.  You can boot up in under forty-five seconds.  If you have a machine with a UEFI bios, you can shave that time down to under ten seconds.

Adding new devices and drivers is as simple as plugging a device in, and when I do have to go the third party route the process goes seamlessly, without need of troubleshooting endless blue-screens-of-death.

If you're a gamer, there's never been a better time to own a WinPC.  Steam and Amazon compete during frequent sales, bringing titles that often cost $60 on consoles down to under $5.  If you want to use a gamepad, the OS- and virtually all new games- have built in support for the XBOX gamepads, both 360 and One.  Want to use a PS4 controller?  Free software makes that simple.  Meanwhile, the games are significantly graphically enhanced compared to their console counterparts.

On the other side of the divide, certain aspects of Linux are a mess.  Linux has gotten better at detecting your devices without incident- most hardware is plug and play.  However, because there's no unifed interface for driver management, if you do have a device not supported "out of the box" be prepared to spend several hours hacking up your system via command line.

I find myself now spending about 50% of my time in Windows.  I still prefer Linux by default, but once I'm in Windows, I feel less compelled to leave.

My arguments for switching users to Linux- something I have done successfully dozen of times- used to fall into three categories.  Technological (less crash prone, more secure), Practical (saves you time, money), and Political (Control your own information, open-source benefits).

Technologically, Windows is catching up.  While security remains an issue, Windows 8 simply does not crash very often.

Practically, Linux is free, but as the above example of driver management demonstrates, at this point, Windows will save you time.

More and more my arguments for Linux are coming down to political views, not merits for the OS itself.

Note to Linux developers, relevant as those arguments may be, users don't care.

If they did, they wouldn't be buying iPhones.

More often than ever, when average users ask me which OS I recommend to "just use" I'm saying Windows. While cringing- and feeling more than a little defeated.

Your move, Linux.